Thursday, November 18, 2010

When you see someone make a major change to their life, it's usually not by choice

Our local paper the Morning Call has an item about a local Disney collector who's selling off his entire collection, and is considering having thousands of Disney tattoos removed from his body.

Now, what would inspire, or drive, a person who's spent nearly his whole life collecting something to part with it?  Is he suffering from a health issue and needs the money?  Do his kids need a house?  Did he bet on the Washington Generals one time too many?


"Reiger's tune changed recently when he met a woman in Florida."



He allegedly met his new love at a Disney convention.  That really begs the question why would he then choose to sell off what has to be described as a major portion of his life and epidermis?

This SCREAMS "Either this crap goes or I do".

There's not a sci-fi or comics fan who doesn't have a friend who found a girl (or guy) and got convinced to sell/donate/just fucking throw away all their collectibles.  They have that look of tired resignation to them, paired with a repeated "No, really, she's a great girl, she just thinks we need more room in the apartment."

This guy spent his life happy as a clam, going to the theme parks and getting more ink than the last theatrical release.  But he meets a girl, and goes from "Hi Ho" to "Yes Dear" in nothing flat.

He couldn't even bring himself to be at the auction - he's off on another (and I'll warrant his last) Disney Cruise, probably crying into his Goofy-tini, realizing that even though he gets to keep the glass, she probably won't let it in the house.

Here's what you do.  Go ahead and get married.  The sex is likely fabulous - it's what lures most men into tender traps like this.  So have a lovely wedding, and a great honeymoon.  Get her nice and pregnant..  Nine months from now, when the resentment starts to really sink in, make sure she gets an epidural.  She should have no pain or discomfort at all, the child should be healthy and well.

But as she's laying there in the recovery room, the nurse is going to come in with the paperwork for the birth certificate.  She'll ask, "Name?"

Look at your wife, think of all you parted with in the name of her love, and then look back at the nurse.



  1. Hilarious and brilliantly written (especially the final line, "Mickey")! Oh my God, how many people have we known who've let themselves be convinced/suckered/harangued into overhauling their lives, not necessarily for the better, the minute romance/sex reared its head? It's especially clever and cruel that the Mrs.-to-be lured him to her side at a convention for his favorite things, Disney memorabilia, only to snatch it away from him once he fell for her. Webb Wilder sings, "One taste of the bait is worth the pain of the hook," but I bet this poor guy has a pretty bitter aftertaste right about now. Fans with beloved collections, learn from this poor sap's mistake, and pray for him!

  2. Vinnie's point cannot possibly be stressed firmly enough. It has been echoed by many worthies, among them Harlan Ellison who once said: "If a woman is willing to wake up early on a Saturday morning and watch cartoons with you, then marry her and let her bear your children".

    Seriously, guys? Take the time to screen . . . and I mean diligently SCREEN . . . any girl you're considering popping The Question to. Check her convention attendance background. Check her own book collection. Quiz her on classic films and stories. If you casually mention that you've just picked up the fully restored DVD release of Fritz Lang's METROPOLIS, and she immediately begins undressing, then consider yourself Home Free!

  3. Michael, your warning is as witty as it is wise! This is why people must pay THOROUGH attention to every little thing about potential sweethearts and REALLY get to know them. Never enter a relationship thinking you'll change them after you marry them! If you don't like them the way they are, do each other a favor and go your separate ways and find people better suited to the real you. Happily, Vinnie and I liked each other fine from the get-go, so the only "changing" issues we had were diapers after Siobhan was born! :-)

  4. We, the Humble Editors of ITRD?, are pleased and proud to welcome our longtime friend and fellow writer Avery J. Cohen to our merry band! Feel free to share your thoughts here any time, Avery!

  5. Dorian here: Sure enough, the honeymoon for George the Disney Tattoo Guy ended badly, to say the least: