Not five pounds of gummy bears. That's perfectly reasonable; indeed, it's the main reason we joined our local warehouse club, so that we would have access to purchase of five-pound bags of gummy bears at any moment.
A gummy bear the size of a premature child.
For the same price as TWENTY-FIVE POUNDS of individual gummy bears.
The tri-flavored gummy costs six dollars more.
You'd better really like the flavor you choose.
12,600 calories. If it could be converted directly into energy, it could power your car for a trip to the headquarters of the Bowflex corporation and back.
This is a classic example of a gift that was not well thought through. Sounds like a great idea, looks adorable, it'll get a round of laughs, but then YOU'LL go home and the poor recipient will have to live with the thing. It might as well be a gummy albatross, complete with neck rope.
Other examples of poorly thought out gifts are those jokey sex toys you find in Spencer gifts, collectible items from the Franklin Mint, and children's toys containing loose glitter.
OK, let's try to turn this into a positive. How can we make this palatable?
What if you scooped this middle out like a candy bowl, and filled it with assorted regular sized gummy bears, turning it into a fecund gummy matriach, ready to spawn chewy fruit-flavored progeny?
You'd still have a couple pounds of gummy-viscera to dispose of, but at least you've jazzed the shell up a bit.
You could dice it up and make them more finger friendly, but this removes the cuteness of eating a small candy animal. Unless you're a Dungeons and Dragons fan, and you can pretend they're little Gelatinous Cubes.
Eventually, you'll find yourself adding "gummy" to all your recipes to use the confusticated thing up. Gummite (the source material from which all gummy candies are made) melts readily into a honeylike goo which mixes well in hot beverages, but will never come off your dishes if you let it set up.
If you know (or care) little enough about the person that you think this would be a good gift, cut your losses and buy a gift certificate. The same level of "I had to buy you SOMEthing" with much less "I think you are a sugar-obsessed horror who might just eat this while we watch if we're lucky".
Available from Vat 19